The Weasel Enterprises Times

Mr. Wedel Completes School Twice

Mr. Wedel, world famous traveler has completed his studies at the University of Wisconsin – Eau Claire for a second time in the span of 7 months a source close to Wedel reports.  After graduating in May with a degree in Broadfield Social Studies, Mr. Wedel unsuccessfully searched for a job over the summer months.  Two weeks before the start of the fall semester, he decided that he would return to the University and continue his studies.

“I don’t know what got into him” a disgruntled employee said, “he just up and left us with all the work.”  Friends close to Wedel have reported seeing him around campus quoting Willy Wonka and Red Green, but these reports cannot be confirmed.  According to the Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction Website, Wedel has successfully applied for and granted certification in the following areas: sociology, economics, and political science.  These are in addition to his previous certifications of social studies, history and geography.

Mr. Wedel is reported to be scheduling a press conference in the near future to officially announce this information and the re-launching of WEDEL 1.

It Finally Snows

Feb 2, 2004

The Bathroom Poll

From The Best of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader

In 1991, the Scott Paper Company did a survey to find out about people’s bathroom habits.  Here are a few of the highlights:

“You can gauge a person’s education by whether they read in the bathroom.  More than two-thirds of people with master’s degrees and doctorates read in the stall, the survey shows.  Only one in two high school grads read while in the bathroom, and 56 percent of those with college degrees do.”

“Fifty-four percent of Americans fold their toilet tissue neatly, while 35 percent wad it into a ball before using it.”

“Seven percent of Americans steal rolls of toilet paper.”

“More than 60 percent prefer that their toilet paper roll over the top, 29 percent from the bottom.  The rest don’t care.”

Red Green Says:

If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.  Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.